You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
