Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Found your dick twin last night
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They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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