I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
