I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
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I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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