Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
