is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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