My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
