I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
