I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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