where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
