Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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