oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
