Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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