If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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