I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
