Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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