Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
