Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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