Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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