my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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