he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
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....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?