I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter