yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
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I checked into jail on foursquare
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.