Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
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im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks