I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
