my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
