i need an iv and a liver transplant
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This baby is an asshole
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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