He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
