3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if only i could text you this smell
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
