when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
