He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
