literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
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After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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