I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
