I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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