No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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