I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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