if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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