She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
