meet me or not, i'm out of control
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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