Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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