4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
