Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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