he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
