I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
