I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
