do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I didn't notice because vodka
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
