The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
