when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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