it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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