I wish I could punch you in the face.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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