i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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