Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
