you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
