Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm too high and old for this...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
