So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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