True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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