Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
