He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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