it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
