Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
