$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
