I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
