you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
