i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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