On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize