I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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